you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize