I queefed so loud it echoed.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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