got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
