I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So vagazzling was a success
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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