; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
