I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
