WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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