who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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