They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
