he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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