I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
