whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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