So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
