i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
we're making bets on your personal life
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
