Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
