Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
