In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
