So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
