hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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