Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I didn't notice because vodka
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Randomize
