I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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