Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
