Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
