U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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