You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
