I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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