wat bout pragnant strippers??
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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