Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
