I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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