i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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