would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
