Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
