Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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