First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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