He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
