whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
