Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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