Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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