I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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