he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
