I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My bed smells like the plague
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
