the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
