How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
