Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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