Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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