thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
