hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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