somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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