Welp...herpes.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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