He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
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