I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
