I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
