Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
