Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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