While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
