Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
