The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
