good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
