i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
