Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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