Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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