yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
