that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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