At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
