I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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