Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
