All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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