Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
