Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
